I am just popcorn

ENDING up in a toilet bowl in Bulua would’ve hardly come as a surprise. But it still did to me considering the amazing things that I’ve been through. You see, I started out as a seed – yes, a mere popcorn seed in a plantation in Calhoun County, Iowa. For seven days, I was pampered like a human baby in the womb. It was the moisture of the soil such as nitrogen, phosphate and potash which caused me to germinate and emerge after ten days. Then sugar from my leaves eventually caused me to grow ears of popcorn.

Once I was ripe for harvesting, we kernels were separated from the cob and stored for eight more months until we were ready to be processed as popcorn. First, we were cleaned using a vibrator to remove small pieces of the cob that we used to be attached onto. Then we were polished and put inside a huge bag for bulk distribution. We were loaded into a huge cargo rig ready to travel 110 miles onto Des Moines Airport. At the airport, we were roughly pushed along with other bags onto several planes. Some of my batchmates would eventually wind up in India, others in Mexico. The bag I was in was destined to Manila, the Philippines and we had to endure the long 16-hour flight in the cargo plane.

In Manila, we were separated into smaller bags, where others would eventually go to other domestic destinations. As for my batchmate kernels, we were loaded onto a smaller van straight into a RORO vessel bound for Cagayan de Oro where we spent an overnight trip in the ferry. Docking at Macabalan port the next day, we were then repacked into still smaller bags. Some of my batchmates would eventually end up in Bukidnon, others in Naawan. As for me, I was destined to be sold at Gaisano Cinema.

February 12, 2015. The popular erotica Fifty Shades of Grey was opening that day. In anticipation of the deluge of customers, hundreds of us kernels were cramped in a heater. At a temperature of 180 degrees Celsius, the starch inside me gelatinized, softened and expanded into an airy foam. Upon cooling down, I became your edible popcorn where I was mixed with cheese. Since I was at the bottom of the heater, it was not until the last full show that I was picked up and put with dozen others into a bag into the waiting arms of a moviegoing trio – Mark, Stella and a third wheel. With Stella seated in center, she decided to put the popcorn bag in her lap so her two companions could easily reach out for us the popcorn.

While Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey were making love on screen, I could easily feel the slowing tightness of Stella’s upper thighs. It almost removed the air out of me. Then Mark came to pick me up. I was thrown inside his digestive system – one hour in the stomach, another hour in the small intestine and 12 hours in the large intestine, exiting into the toilet bowl thereafter.

My next destination? The sewers. Because I am just popcorn. As for the human who consumed me, he would continue living and loving, hoping that Stella or someone else would become his Anastasia Steele.